On changing plans.

I have been stressing and worrying a lot lately while trying to organize everything to go to Armenia. I am unemployed and i’m living with my mom and having serious money issues, so when I realised I had to be spending A LOT of money I didn’t have only the plane ticket I started freaking out. I decided to talk about it with my mom and she told me that I was doing this because I wanted and because I wanted to enjoy it, and it shouldn’t be causing me so much stress and that the only thing that should be worrying me and making me cry right now was my thesis. And, as usual, my mom was right.

So I called the organization to see what they suggested me. They told me I could change places, find somewhere to go where I woulnd’t be spending so much money and we saw that on the same dates there were two camps on the south of Italy (to work with kids too) and one in Berlin that looks very cool. I thought about it and decided it was a much better option since I can find ticked planes for almost nothing to both those places. I have already applied for it and now I have to wait and see what they tell me.

I am very sad and disappointed, I was super excited to go to Armenia, but I think this is the best option for me. I will still be volunteering, just closer to home. 

Of course I will keep this tumblr and will still explain everything as planned, I just changed the title.

Thanks again to my love Mariam, this decision broke my heart specially because of you, but I know you understand. Don’t worry though, Armenia will have to deal with me sooner or later!

On doing “The Holtby Shuffle”

My life has never been easy. I’ve had to deal with stuff, as a child and as a teenager, that, in my opinion, people shouln’t have to. It made me a stronger person, I know, but I have issues. And I am pretty sure I will have them all my life. I hate it.

Some weeks ago when this idea popped up and I decided to take this as “a life-changing experience” my friend Jesse, to encourage me, told me to “do the Holtby shuffle!”. (By the way I don’t know the exact sentence and it bugs me because it was awesome, i should have saved it! All i can remember is “do the Holtby shuffle!”)

THIS is the Holtby shuffle. This man is the fiercest bitch ever. I love him. He is a hockey goalie currently playing for the Hersey Bears and the Washington Capitals. He has all those weird “rituals” that help him before the game, during the game, all the time. People might think he is crazy, but as he once said “I think everyone else is scared of looking weird, I don’t really care, as long as it helps me stop the puck.” 

So I have been using this as my own motivational sentence. When all I wanna do is disappear, or cry or i don’t have energy to wake up from bed i repeat to myself “DO THE HOLTBY SHUFFLE”. No, i do not start playing the USA anthem and make little jumps. I breathe in and out and feel a bit stronger so I can go on.

Today is a very hard day, this week is going to be very hard. I am not sure I will be able to handle it but I will keep repeating this in my head and try to survive. I am a weird person, but I don’t really care, as long as this helps me stop my own kind of pucks.

In other news relevant to my actual travel, I am still trying to contact the embassy and there is no luck. I don’t know what to do. Right now I kinda find it funny. Let me wait a couple of weeks and I will be freaking out.

I also found out two other girls that will be joining me during the volunteering. I have been mentally writing an email to send them but I am very nervous about it, even if it sounds silly. I am going to write them today, though. Fun fact, one of them is called Laura too! 

On how and why i decided to do this.

Well, I am going to start with the most important thing: I am in a delicate moment of my life. 

I am an educated 24 (almost 25) year old female, I have a degree and I am finishing a MA, I am very hard working and I think I am quite smart. Problem is our society is in a complicated moment right now and, like my whole generation, i am struggling to find my place in the world. 

I am in a very confused state, this year has been extremely hard for me and I don’t see where i am going, what awaits for me in the future. I feel very lost. I am terrified.

So in an attempt to do something. For me. For the world. To make something happen, I decided I was going to volunteer somewhere where i was actually needed.

I started my research and through the Catalan Agency of Volunteering I found what i wanted to do. I applied to work as a volunteer in an orphanage in Armenia next August. 

The weeks waiting for the answer were long, but then they finally told me I couln’t go to the one I wanted but they had a spot available in July. That actually suited me anyway, so I accepted.

And here I am now.

I am super excited to see how this turns out but I am also very stressed. By the end of June I need to hand in my thesis too! And then I have less than a week to take the plane. So the next 10 weeks are gonna be a rollercoaster of emotions.

To finish this first entry I wanted to add that actually one of the reasons I chose Armenia out of all the countries I could chose was my friend Mariam. She is Armenian and the way she speaks about her country and what she has explained to me about it has made me start loving it. I have never met her in real life but i love this crazy girl too much.

On the last months i have become very close with a group of fantastic girls that, maybe even without knowing it themselves, have helped make this hard year I’ve been having much better. We started bonding over football but right now they probably know some stuff that even my closest friends don’t know. I don’t think I can imagine my life without them. And no, I have never met them in real life. But I will. Because I love them.

So, my first entry goes to them. To my gang. You know who you are Thank you, babies!